Being alone is often mistaken for being lonely. In a hyper-connected world, it seems hard to be alone and easy to be lonely. We stay in touch, but we don’t always stay close.
I want to talk about the difference.
There’s a version of being alone that has nothing to do with isolation. It’s not withdrawal, it’s space. Space to think, to notice, to hear yourself clearly without competing signals. In my experience, that kind of solitude is not only healthy. It’s necessary.
I spend a lot of time working alone. That surprises people. Artists are expected to be expressive, social, and available. But not every artist is the life of the party. I joke with friends that I’m a social recluse. I can show up. I just don’t always want to. And the truth is, some of my best work happens early in the morning, alone, with a few tools, my thoughts, and no audience. Solitude has a way of sharpening things. You start to hear what actually matters instead of what’s loud. Ideas have time to stretch. You can follow a thought without interruption, without having to justify it or make it presentable before it's ready.
That doesn’t mean I’m anti-social. It means I value context. Open floor plans at home can feel generous. Open offices rarely do. Constant interruption doesn’t create collaboration. It creates noise. And noise erodes attention. Being alone isn’t about avoiding people. It’s about choosing when and how connection happens. Solitude can build self-awareness, and self-awareness makes empathy possible. If you never get quiet enough to understand your own rhythms, it’s hard to meet someone else where they are.
So when I say call before you come, I mean it literally and figuratively.
In a line, André 3000 put it better than I ever could:
I’ll call before I come I won’t just pop over, out the blue I hope that you do too
That’s not about manners. It’s about respect. I collaborate with people all the time. Across cities. Across disciplines. Across time zones. And I also make time for being alone. Social connection is essential. So is solitude. One doesn’t cancel out the other.
Being alone doesn’t mean shutting people out. It means making sure that when you do let them in, you’re actually there.